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totally out; words failed. Tony gave me one of his shoulder
squeezes, and they left.
Inside, Helen was sitting in her favorite chair. It was the
one I hated. It wasn t comfortable. It was a chair that forced
Just Guys | B.G. Thomas
39
you to sit up straight, somehow higher than everyone else.
That s why she loved it so. It made her the center of the
room. Gave her power.
You might want to change your shirt, she said. I
looked down and saw the wet spots, the semen from Tony s
chest.
Helen, it s only I started feebly, and she cut me off.
I can smell what it is, darling.
I stood there a moment in indecision and then figured,
fuck it. I sat instead.
Helen shrugged.
Helen, we didn t do anything. I know how it looked,
but& .
Helen held out her hand again, palm facing me,
shushing me. Grant, please. Enough. Enough& is&
enough. You don t think I know what you are? That I haven t
always known?
I just looked at her. What the hell was she saying?
First there was that pansy in college. I didn t care. We
weren t married yet, and Mother had warned me about men
and their ways. I figured if that sissy kept your hormones at
bay, I wouldn t have to wrestle with you in some backseat
until we were married. And darling, it was so important for
me to be a virgin when we were married. I would have liked
the same for you, but I ve always known that the only person
I can truly control is myself. So I just didn t think about it. I
loved you, and at least you weren t with another woman.
But then you had to go and be indiscreet. You
embarrassed me.
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40
Fine. I took care of it. I always do. But it rushed the
wedding. No one would believe my man was that way if we
got married.
Then there were the looks. Your head turned every time
some half-dressed man walked by.
What? I cried.
She held out her hand again, and it was as if she
somehow used a mute button on my voice.
Then the business trip and that police officer. That was
harder to handle. I impressed even myself with that one. At
least there were only a few who knew about it. But this? I
never had to witness you in your
Helen, we weren t
Grant! I heard you! Please. You re trapped . That was
your word. Trapped in this passionless relationship .
I hung my head and felt the shame wash over me.
Helen, I m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.
Grant, I ve always ignored this side of you. It suited my
needs.
Suited your& .
Yes, darling. And this time it proves to be convenient.
Your affair with these men
We re not having an affair! I shouted.
Please, dear. I do not wish to hear your denials. For
you see, love, this proves to be fortuitous, and I believe I
have a solution that shall make us all happy.
I WAS back at Mark and Tony s, sitting in a daze between
them. They were dressed now, but to tell the truth, there was
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41
fire where our bare knees touched, and all I wanted was for
them to drag me to their bed.
Yes, I was admitting it. I wanted to be in their bed!
It all makes sense now, I said. I d always wondered
why Helen chose me. She was rich, beautiful, intelligent.
She could have her pick of any man. The one who would go
on to be a football pro and make millions or the man
destined to run some financial empire. But she didn t want
those kinds of men. She wanted one she could control.
I shook my head. See, the problem was that she
considers herself a God-loving woman and that meant she
had to be married. She didn t really want to be married, and
she certainly didn t want any children. But her Bible told her
she had to bend her will to her husband s. And that, she
said, was an abhorrent thought to her.
She actually used the word abhorrent ? Tony said.
Who uses that word?
See, her father had been a total ass, abused both her
and her mother, and when he died in a household accident,
they were both relieved. I guess, and I should always have
known this, that man painted an image in her head she
couldn t get rid of. So she wasn t interested in sex. Sex
disgusted her.
And then she met this guy? Mark asked. Henry?
I nodded.
And at church! Tony exclaimed.
I nodded, still stunned. All those endless church
meetings and missionary trips& I didn t see that coming. For
the first time, she d met a man who loved God as much as
she did and who she decided she could give control of her
life. For the first time, she wanted to have sex. She said it
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42
was all they could do not to acquiesce to their desires . She
said she figured she would always care about me, but she
totally understood what it meant to be trapped in a
passionless marriage. That she wanted a divorce, but as a
Christian, the only way she could get one& .
& was if you had an affair, Mark said.
Well, fuck me running, said Tony.
She wants an uncontested divorce. Says she won t raise
a fuss, we can split all we own together, and all she asks is
that I don t deny I ve had an affair. And why not?
I still couldn t believe it. Shellshocked was the word.
What now?
I looked into their eyes. It s over. Twenty years of
marriage. Over. Now what happens?
I would say, Mark said, standing and reaching for my
hand, if you want, it s finally time for you to happen.
He pulled me to my feet and we stood there, just looking
at each other. Then he pulled me closer, then closer, and, oh
God, he kissed me.
I thought I would die. I know that sounds so childish.
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