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asleep."
Smarmy looked up at me and frowned. "Oh, my. Excuse me if I'm wrong,
but aren't you supposed to be the handsome prince?"
"He's the handsome prince?" Nasty asked sarcastically. "Pardon me,
but is there a new definition of the word handsome? "
Smarmy looked about at the bodies littering the clearing. "But it
appears that everybody else has fallen asleep instead!"
"Oh, it just figures that our fairy tale would go wrong--" Touchy
hesitated. "Why, Mother Duck!"
"Mother Duck?" Smarmy dropped the piece of paper to wring his hands.
"Why, so it is. I'm sure Touchy didn't mean anything by his fairy
tale remark, Mother Duck."
"Certainly not. Mother Duck," Touchy hastily added.
"Always a pleasure working for you, Mother Duck," Nasty chimed in.
"Oh, wow, Mother Duck," Spacey remarked.
"And may I humbly say what a great pleasure it is to see
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you, Mother Duck?" Smarmy continued. "As you can see, we were
following your instructions to the letter."
"Yes, you were, my most excellent dwarves," the old woman replied
with a smile that evaporated when she turned to look at me, "unlike
certain others I can name!"
"This must end," Death intoned with a force that stopped all other
conversation. He then turned to look at me as well. "You are almost
beyond belief. I'm sure I could meet you in the most desolate place
on earth, and it would immediately become as crowded as Vushta on
market day! Well, the walls of chaos may rip asunder, and I will be
so tired that no one will die for a week, but I will take you all."
He walked toward me, holding out both his hands. "I have long ago
stopped doubting that you were the Eternal Apprentice. Now, I only
wonder at what a grand addition you will be to my kingdom. But come,
we have dawdled long enough--"
He paused. The clearing was filled with the beating of a drum.
"Guxx Unfufadoo, curious demon, Wants to know what's going on here,
Wants to speak to his friend Wuntvor, Wants to go on back to Vushta!"
"No!" Death screamed in frustration. "No, no, no! This gets worse
with every passing second!" The spectre shuddered. "But I will still
take all of you. The paperwork will be staggering, but while the
declaimer is an imposing fellow, the one beating the drum is small
enough. I think I can still fit both of them in. Come now! I will not
wait another--"
There were twin explosions in our midst.
"Indeed," remarked the shoe that had just appeared.
"It's really time for Brownie Power!" His Brownieship added.
"It's the talking shoe again?" Death seemed overwhelmed. "What can
you do with a talking shoe?"
"A lot of things!" Mother Duck replied, obviously intrigued. "For one
thing there's this old lady I know who keeps having these kids and
doesn't know what to do with them--"
"I was speaking rhetorically," Death informed her drily. "I
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know what I will do with this shoe, and the little person who has
arrived as well. I will take them to my kingdom. I will take you all
to my kingdom, though it shall tax my powers to the utmost." He
looked to the heavens. "Come storm! Come wind and thunder and rain!
Give me your energy, for I have many to kill!"
The howling was faint at first, as if it came from a great distance.
But it grew quickly, doubling in intensity with every heartbeat,
until it sounded like the anguish of a million souls. Black clouds
rushed overhead, blotting out the moon and stars, making the dark
night darker still. There was a rumbling in the distance.
Death laughed.
"I have you now!" he roared. "Although it will take all my resources,
I will gain the strength to transport every one of you to my kingdom
in an instant."
The clouds crashed together overhead. The distant rumbling was coming
closer, gaining definition so that it sounded like someone beating
the world's largest drum.
"Odd." Death paused, as if even he were startled by the noise. "But
it does not matter. Perhaps it is some manifestation of my power that
even I am not yet aware of." He returned his gaze to the sky.
"Come lightning!"
The clouds above crashed together with resounding force, sending out
bright white flashes where they met. Death's laughter doubled.
The booming sound was coming closer, too.
There came a crash overhead so great that I fell to my knees and
covered my ears. A bolt of lightning streaked from the clouds,
straight for Death.
I could feel the booming sound. It shook the ground where I knelt.
Death's laughter became as loud as the thunder as he was bathed in
the white fire. Then the lightning was gone, but Death glowed from
within, his bonelike face so bright that you could not look at it for
more than a second.
"Now," Death whispered in a voice far louder than a shout. "The time
is--"
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The booming sound intensified, now as loud as Death, shaking the
whole clearing with every thundering beat. The booming stopped.
Death looked up. A single word came from on high. "Oops!" And Death
screamed.
NINETEEN
Any working magician will encounter situations which are potentially
embarrassing, such as being trapped at a party with your spouse's
relatives, or potentially deadly, such as finding yourself in front
of a murderous crowd when a very important spell has backfired, or
even both, such as being trapped with a crowd of your spouse's
murderous relatives. It therefore behooves the mage to always have a
couple of escape spells handy so that he might quickly exit these
situations. But the truly professional wizard will go one better,
devising another spell (and this is especially important with
spouse's relatives) that proves he did not go into those situations
at all.
-The Teachings of Ebenezum, VOLUME XXII
Death was gone. And dawn was breaking over the Eastern Kingdoms.
Mother Duck groaned. "That was quite a night. With you around, I [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]